Not So Wild

In my imagination I see myself breezily hiking from Alaska to the tip of Patagonia — in something like three months time. There is no sweat or dirt involved and my thighs are muscular and brown — this, ignoring the cellulite that crept in when I wasn’t paying attention and that I’m a blonde who burns. Also discounting the fact that I’m absolutely terrified of bears.  My husband, who does not share my phobia, takes great glee in unnerving me with articles about recent bear attacks — and I have a friend from Alaska who regularly posts scary bear stories on my personal Facebook page, to unnerve me.  Once when our family was camping, there were multiple signs cautioning about recent bear activity in the area. I got up early in the morning, stepped out of our tent and screamed loudly enough to wake the entire campground when just a few feet away, there appeared a large brown animal — which turned out to be a deer.  Other campers were not especially appreciative of the six AM bear alert.